muted emotions: Apr 8, 2009

it has always been like this. he does his work, while i wait here for his available time. i wait almost everyday for about twelve hours just for the next 2-3 hours i could spend with him. and all those 12 hours are time wasted. why wasted? because all i do is make his phone ring, send messages and answer his call, just to check exactly what he might be doing at the moment.

it's not that i'm sick waiting for him, it' just that i'm sick of spending my time doing nothing while he's out there taking part of my whole lot of mental disease. this impatience threatens my personality. i know it was never his fault that i'd be like this. it's just that why won't he do something? you know, make up for the lost time and pay for my oversworn patience all these times. leave his work for a few hours and be with me. i've always wanted that.

i don't want to be stuck here like i always was. i want him, to get me and bring me somewhere where we could just talk and have time together. we never know until when we can just be together. tomorrow might just ne the end of the world. might sound silly but we never know.

while the world goes on, we're here watching our own backs like foxes in the middle of the deep cold forest. we both want to find our own shelter amidst our strength, but it seems the world is afraid to keep us. i fear that one day all i'd have to do is take care of myself and i'm afraid one day all i'd ever believe is that i don't need anybody else to be here with me. right now, and in the coming days, i know i am that strong, but still i want to have somebody to show me that i'm not when it comes to the highway of life.