it’s never a perfect world.

i have no idea how i’m ever gonna handle things when he’s gone. he’ll be away for two years. i already have emoted about this thing thousands of times, but it never helps.

i know i could fnd a way to get over him, but the problem is i don’t want to. sometimes i laugh alone when i realize i’m probable out of my mind.

these days [at his last days with me], i train myself living the life without him. i only call him when necessary. i don’t kiss him anymore. i don’t hug him anymore. it has been so hard not to do those things, but it would be for my, our own good.

maybe i’ll just have to wait for things to pass over. it’ll all be okay.

i want justice.

they are so dumb. people nowadays are becoming more and more insensitive. they only consider things of which they will profit. and they do things just to protect themselves, it doesn’t matter if other people will be in trouble.

lately a kapamilya filed a case against a muslim, because of money matters. the muslim and the kapamilya had an agreement of the amount of money each will recieve after a VOS.

however, after the release of money from the bank, which is probably the time for giving of shares, the muslim would insist to have this amount of money which he desires [which is literally not the agreed amount]. now, the muslim would send threats and brought the kapamilya to the court for this.

the kapamilya would show herself to the court. the issue is fixed if the kapamilya would give an amount to the muslim, but badly this scenario [of giving money just to give her peace] is constantly happening. for many times, the muslim would bring her to court and then again, the issue will be in silence if the kapamilya would give him money.

this is clearly extortion. what is worse is that the kagawad and police officers is clearly biased. why? the won’t listen to the kapamilya’s side. they would immediatley take the side of the muslim, which is the most irritating of all.

why? i want to know. is it because the are sipsip to the mayor which is muslim. or are they afraid of that muslim because that muslim is connected to another muslim which is a known killer.

what’s this? there is no justice.

when you wish upon a star.

i always love to go back to the old fairytale story books my father had given me when i was a young kid. those books were the ones mom read to me and my young brother before we go to sleep. that was when we were little and don’t go to school yet. i always enjoy the part where princesses make wishes for their prince to come and after that things change and prince charming comes along.

since then, i grew up believing in wishes and dreams. i wish i had a prince and that he’d take me to a faraway land. i wish he was there every moment i’m alone. i wish i have him by my side all the time so that all my fears and all the pain would go away. i wish i lived in a castle. i wish i was a princess. i wish. i wish. i wish.

slow down.

just slow down
and take some time
to laugh a bit
and know you have the right
to smil and be happy
to cry a bit
and give the world
the scream it deserves
for being whatever it is
slow down and enjoy life as it is
for many had grown old
yet never have reached
the peak of joy
that life has prepared
for the ones who take time
to realize where and what
exactly that is.

fishy.

whatever they say.
though they tell me it's a mistake that i fell for you.
and though i myself smell something "fishy."
my mind still won't change about loving you.
[i didn't intend that this post become ironic.]

all the small things.

sweet memories.
it's all i have of you.
and it's all the small things.
that i won't let anybody.
take away.
it's all the small things.
that will always be right here >> <3.

if you can hear me.

if you can hear me scream your name.
would you scream my name back?
if you can hear me say i still love you.
would you feel the same way?
if you can here me whisper
"i don't want to let you go"
would you hold on and never let go?

princess.

i want to wear the tiara.
not as the sign of authority
but as a sign of reigning his heart.
not as to command him.
but to enslave him with my love.
and not to put him into battle
like any of the kingdom's soldiers
but to be there during his fight
and to die with him.

in the big world.

reality is at its best when you're all alone.
you could think on your own.
and travel the places you want to go.
you learn from the streets.
you meet different kinds of people.
you see things as the are.
for real.
so it's a big world.
and you didn't know before that it is.

silence..

i just need silence.
where my mind isn't obliged of all the things in the real world.
where i could think of fairytales and rumpletiltskin.
where i could imagine a prince staring nearby.
where the heart is at its peace.
and my soul is at its earthly rest.
it only takes silence to prepare the mind.
and think it over.
though things don't have that common connection.
it only takes silence.

before the sun sets.

before the sun sets
i would like you to know
that i love you
and i won't let anybody else
ruin this feeling
that i have for you.
before the sun goes down
learn that you are
everything to me
and that i couldn't live
without you.
before night comes on a pace
i would like you to realize
you are all i ever wanted in my life
and would want nothing more
than live each day
just by your side.

one way.

you wouldn't need more words.
to understand.
or to realize.

just tell me

"Why does each road lead me to you?"

miles to go.

halfway we think we've gone far
if we could just realize
how far still the stars are

at midday we think we had enough
so we sit down
we drink and we laugh

but at the times the sun won't show
when it's enough for the day
we learn we still have miles to go
and there's yet a lot along the way.

the last drive.

all these nine months i struggled for love. i did things i didn't know i could and i should do. it was all because i didn't want to lose someone. i wish he has willing to do the same efforts, but he didn't. he never hesitated to make me think that way, as for always.

i skipped classes, i sneak in and out of the house, i leave my friends, i hide my grading card, i spend all my allowances just to be with him. i lie, i cheat, i disobey, i do whatever. good thing he could see my effort, but still he isn't in the mode to do the same thing.

at times when i ask him, it seems nothing to him. it was like he doesn't care. and guess what? he wouldn't even do something to change the way i think. he just let's it go that way. i don't know what his intention his, but he tells me he loves me.

now, i realized on thing. it is different when somebody says "i love you" ahead of you, than when somebody says "i love you" after you've said them yourself, because it could be that he loves you because he does, or he loves you because he knows you love him, or he just said that to be fair with you and nothing more.

something i don't know [and i really can't remember] how i got here. falling in love with someone like this without even regreting. he's just somebody who won't fight for me.

maybe, he's just too confident that i love him and every time i slip away, i'd get back. good for him, he doesn't know how to feels to wait all day though he's out there doing something else. he doesn't know how it feels to break-up with someone you wish would tell you not to, to walk away and wish a tear would fall down his eyes at every step, and at the last drive would tell you he still loves you no matter how wrong he's done.

i'd always hope for this last drive.