i have to save.

i'm running out of cash! i went went to the mall just a day ago and i got myself a pair of pumps, a handbag, two graphic tees, three new books, a pair of flipflops, a lengthening mascara, neutrogena oil, a heart cage, i ate at antonio's, and then my friends picked me up to have dinner at dencio's, and i can't believe i spent 6,830 in one day. i feel horrible. i am not going to spend money for this whole week, i'll just stay at home. i have to wait for one more week for my allowance.

bye-bye hang out partner.

you are so "a good friend." and i like hanging out with you. it's so nice being able to talk to you for 2 and half an hour with just one topic and end up laughing because we're hungry [that's weird], and then getting ourselves hamburgers [no mayo]. i am just so carefree when i'm with you so i ride well, but don't hand in your dictionary and get another meaning for that, because all we have is plainly friendship. i love my man.

well.. yeah, as if i can control this.. i think i have a crush on you [oh-how alert!]. and, and, i musn't go out with you anymore! this is horrifying. i have a boyfriend. you're single, and adorable, and a lot of girls out there would probably wanna hang out with you. so, go. i used to think i wouldn't fall over the mud, but now i am and it's actually quick sand, the smile drowns me in and i can't breath. i can't even say i wanna get outta here now! i have a crush on you and i'm not liking it. i'm starting to dress up a little too girly than i was dressing up before, and when i talk to you, i become more careful of the words and you know what? i know why, because i'm already crushing you and i know this will break my heart one day. so, i've gotta just stop this.

clueless.

yeah, we're ON. the relationship existed 11 months ago, and still exists 'til now. we've been through a lot of things. we love each other, so much. and who would ever think it would end up to be my fault that i'm really not for him after all? this is what happens when imature people fall in love and grow mature, learning the painful truths about what they used to not know. i thought i could fight for him, in order for my parents to accept him. i was fueled up when he made me meet his parents, but know, we both realized i wouldn't work well enough with my parents. [tears] how come this happens? we've done a lot of things already that made a lot of memories. we sneak out from the house just to watch stars together and stroll on his auto. we went out of town just to stroll a mall about 3 hours from home and get to to go home that late [not to mention the excuses, the "lies" i gambled saying just to make mom believe me].

i always want to save our relationship. i always look at its every angle, in case i see a way to get on with it. i really love him, really do.