at our age.

could mom be from show business years ago? urgh. she's always on with the dramas! it irritates my eardrums everytime she has something to tell about how i come too late, dress like this, dress like that, eat too little, sleep too late, wake up too late, and all the usual things kids my age have been engaging to. Mom, what's your point? this is what it is 'in our age'!

have your ways been compared to the ways your mom or dad's ways when they were as young as you? if you already had, i suspect you got annoyed.

-they said that boys before, court girls for 1-2 years.

"pause, delete. generation by generation, man's life span decreases. and you gotta work on "some things" [like that stuff] a bit faster. we're not saying that having a guy wait that long is bad, but talk about 'you' liking the guy too. of course, after you think you know enough of him, you could accept him as your boyfriend. and if would only take you about 3-4 months [that's a lot of time too. parents, please consider.] to do that, than why gamble for all those years? besides, it's how you handle the relationship the next months and years. pressure drives us to unlabel ourselves "hard-to-get." the main point is saving time, utilizing that, and driving yourself out of pressure."

-they say girls before are home before 5:00 in the afternoon.

"Ahuh, you gotta be kidding. what about night classes?"

-honey, those things don't exist before.

"I scored. since night classes didn't exist before, than they have nothing to stay out late for. In your time, girls were 'too' demure, and too 'conservative' that they wouldn't even hang out at bars [these things don't exist before too. (say, "duh")], disco, they weren't even allowed to drive porsches and stroll manila all night. they had 'no reason' to go out at night before, that is why."

-they say kids before don't put clothes and gowns in the spotlight at prom

"oh, okay, but don't count us in. i'm a frustrated prom queen wannabe! for girls my age, gowns and bling blings do matter. even for boys, our gowns matter. it shows off our social standing, which [at times] also matter."

-they say kids before don't have a buncha 7-liner grades

"mom, you have our basics now as your majors before. the human brain's structure hasn't change. it still does look the same before and now, including membranes, cells that account, and it does have the left and right brain still. what i mean is, our studies have larger pressure and our lessons are for smarter people, smarter than you were before. that is why. imagine brains with the same level, struggling to tolerate different levels of subjects, it is most probable that the brain with the easier subjects would have greater grades, and that the one with the harder subjects would have lower grades."

those are just some of a lot of things they murmur about. ask me, i don't get why is still make sense to other people. i'd encourage them to just adopt the fact, that we are in a different generation so they don't get alienated.

were they not oriented that a day like this would come? and don't they know that what they were having before already passed out? tell me if this doesn't make sense. it annoys me.

my heart's downfall day.

imagine how stupidity strikes
everytime you need luck
it strikes you too hard
and it strikes are your back

surprised you were not knowing
that it's 12 oclock in the evening
still he's all you could think about
though you're all worn
this was day i feared the most
when all i've left is finally lost
all the tears shall be shed today
it is my heart's downfall day

you gotta go to bed now
you just don't know how
things leave you clueless
all that's left is a mess

you go over with the night
something just don't feel right
i can't believe we're finally through
after all those years of fighting for you

this was day i feared the most
when all i've left is finally lost
all the tears shall be shed today
it is my heart's downfall day

wish i could grab you outta my mind
and hug you for real
it'll be a very good way to show you
just how i feel

i'm like a kid lost in New York City
who doesn't even know to take a taxi
but i've gotta gamble all of my fears
and trash out the shame of showing tears

this was day i feared the most
when all i've left is finally lost
all the tears shall be shed today
it is my heart's downfall day

it's my heart's downfall day..

ellipsis in our story.

you see i've given all
since the very day i fall
each word from my lips were true
my sight was just for you
these ears listen carefully
when you say you love me
it was like a fairytale
but on one thing we failed

you see, i see
the ellipsis in our story
an important thing lacked
something we just can't put back
but i guess this is it
some of the pieces just don't fit
you see, i see
the ellipsis in our story

now i guess it's the end
but tell me we can be friends
we both tried to make it through
we fought for me and you
i will miss our happy times
those moments when we'd rhyme
so i sing to you this song
wishin' you;d sing along

you see, i see
the ellipsis in our story
an important thing lacked
something we just can't put back
but i guess this is it
some of the pieces just don't fit
you see, i see
the ellipsis in our story

i know you loved me
i was able to see
hope i had made you feel
that loving you was real

you see, i see

the ellipsis in our story
an important thing lacked
something we just can't put back
but i guess this is it
some of the pieces just don't fit
you see, i see
the ellipsis in our story

labeled "little miss boring"

"Okay, sorry if you're having a hard time having fun every time you're with me."

i don't get it. is this actually the reason why he's always busy every time i'd ask him if we could spend time together? it's sort of stupid to put things like this on the spotlight, things that actually don't matter. well, maybe to other people, but it means so much to me, thought it shouldn't.

it's been five months since he's been acting a bit weird. he's calls are already minimal, while it's been me who's often asking him to go out. at times we're on an 'ok' mode, sometimes it horrifying. why horrifying? it's because after he'd ask me what i did the whole day, he would be quiet all the rest of the time. it annoys me, but am i obliged to hold his upper and lower lip and force to motion close-open?

yup. that was five months, until he finally cracked it. "Will you try to be quiet? You're boring."
don't ask me how i felt. you know i was hurt, even for the slightest reason.

all these times, he had that reason why he's been acting like that all the while? [ridandancy was applied in that statement, in know.] silence enveloped me upon hearing those words, but when i examined his face, it was nothing to him. he just looked annoyed knowing my eyes were laid up on him, waiting for the next words he would say. he said nothing. oh, he said something actually. "stand up. let's go home."

so that was it? that was it. i wanted to hate him, but i couldn't. i just felt stupid. i was on "self pity" mode. okay, i was boring and boring i was.

-but how can he judge me that way? he labeled me boring, when in fact all the while i was the only one who was talking while he was there sitting, with his mouth shut. well, maybe he wasn't interested about what i was talking about. that thing contributed to the hurt, because what i talked about was my relationship to his family. we talked [well "i talked"] about his mom, and how she entertained me while i was in their place. does he not like it that i got to get close with his mom? i also talked about sensitive things about us, you know, the future, and some of our little problems. i didn't know what was boring on those matters, or if any made sense, but since he considered it was boring, i decided not to talk about those things anymore, since then.

and do you think what i did changed his behaviour? hell no. it made it even worse. this time, he wouldn't want to go out with me. after being labeled "boring" i'd be labeled "dumb" if i wouldn't feel that he's not actually into me already. the best thing to do, is ask him what's the problem.
and i did.

look, i don't want to shed to you any much more of the details so i'm going to tell you directly that it's been confirmed and i was right that he isn't into me already. he wants a girl who'd give him what he needs [boys know it] and i can't. he said all those times, he didn't want to just sit there listening to all the crazy stuffs i was talking about, he wanted to do something else (this is on a different level, in case my school buddies read this.), which he certainly didn't expect from me. he has to look for it on other girls, and at that night, it was over.

"okay, i wish you find what you're looking for. Goodluck with whatever...... dude."

and that's it. did this post made any sense? i'm on latitude 4.16, over the equater, on the tropical convergent zone, the exact location is blah blah blah [wew. pardon me if i do this babbling but the reason is because it still hurts.], kick me if it doesn't.

BEWARE OF BOYS. (who look for this fun.)